The other day my four-year-old, who still says "baf" for "bath" and "boke" for "broke," clearly and distinctly asked for a "Kids Cuisine" for dinner. Most dads would simply rejoice at such improvement in articulation. But I, being a mom, am racked by guilt. Have I been working too much? Am I selfishly choosing career over motherhood? Am I neglecting my basic motherly duties? Will she get rickets? Good god, my little one can perfectly pronounce a brandname child's frozen dinner before she can even say "f'ozen."

My only consolation is that, when she's a teenager and rebelling against me, she'll probably eat only fruits and vegetables.